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The Paralysis of Unforgiving
4/21/04
Given by Russell Q. Adams

April 21, 2004

The Paralysis of Unforgiving

Matthew 9:2-9

Introduction

The first pastoral visit I ever made was to man named Randolph Scott. The chair of the congregation recommended that I visit him. According to him, Randolph used to be a big part of the church. He got mad and left. He hoped that when he saw me that Randolph would return to the flock. The plan didn’t work.

When I got to Randolph’s house his wife met me at the door. She wasn’t a church member. She was a devout Roman Catholic. However, she welcomed me and took my coat. Randolph stayed in the back room and watched old reruns of "I Love Lucy." Mrs. Scott and I visited for about an hour. She gave me a piece of pie and I closed with a prayer. She walked me to my car and said, "I want to apologize for my husband. He got his feeling hurt at church one day and he swore he would never return. He says he just wants to be left alone. He says he doesn’t need anyone. He is a stubborn old fool." I said, "What happened?" She said, "He says someone cheated out of $20.00. The fellow tried to give him the $20.00. But the damage was done. He refuses to return."

Randolph Scott was a victim of paralysis of unforgiving. It happens anytime that you don’t forgive someone. Anytime you refuse to forgive you are suddenly stuck in the past. In time, the situation seems to get worse. You take a stand and your pride is on the line. You want to be seen as a person of principle but you are seen as a nut. You get stuck in the past. You can’t see what God is doing for you today because you are stuck in the past. You can’t dream of what God has in store for you in the future because you are stuck in the past. You are paralyzed by events that are part of you past and you can’t escape until you forgive. You replay that scene a million times in your mind. Your unforgiving spirit incarcerates you. You may serve a life sentence or you can liberate yourself today! The choice is yours! Have you ever known someone who has suffered from paralysis of unforgiving? Have you ever suffered from this disease?

Body

This evening’s story is found in the three synoptic Gospels, Matthew, Mark and Luke. According to Mark 2:1, Jesus is in Capernaum. Four friends bring a paralyzed man to the Master. We are told that a big crowd has come to meet Jesus. The crowd is so large that the friends are unable to get their friend to the Master, so that climb on the roof. The remove a section of the roof and lower this poor fellow right in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw the faith of the four he heals their sick friend. It is a story of the power of faith but it is also a story of the liberating power of forgiveness. Jesus said, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven." By the end of the story the man is walking! There is liberating power to forgiveness.

I believe forgiveness really takes two forms. The first form that forgiveness takes is forgiving others. Jesus tells us to forgive our enemies. That is not an easy thing to do but it is one of the true signs of Christian discipleship. The second form of forgiveness maybe much more difficult. Have you forgiven yourself of the things in your own past? Let me look at each one briefly.

Forgive Yourself: The famed psychologist Karl Menninger once said, "If I could convince all my patients that their sins were forgiven I would lose 75% of my clients." Does anyone here this evening have a hard time forgiving yourself? Have you ever said to yourself or said out loud, "Why am I so stupid?" Have you ever bought a large ticket item (car or a house) and you know it was the wrong thing to do? It was never quite right. You kick yourself every time you make a payment. Has anyone here this evening ever kicked yourself for dropping out of college or never starting college. Has anyone here this evening regretted never having children? You wanted to wait until the perfect time. You wanted to get your career started or you wanted so much money in the bank. You wanted everything perfect but the perfect time never came. Has anyone here this evening never forgiven yourself over a mistaken marriage? Has anyone here this evening ever had so regret over illness. Your illness placed a heavy financial burden on your family and you wonder why? In your head you know it wasn’t your fault but in your heart you keep kicking yourself. Has anyone here this evening ever said something that you can not take back. You damaged a relation and you don’t know how to fix it. How many parents here this evening feel like their adults children’s problems are really their problems. They would be more successful if you would have been a better parent? Do any of these situations sound familiar? Perhaps, the first person we need to forgive is ourselves?

You are good people and good people are generally more critical of themselves then others. We set the standards high for ourselves! We set the standards higher for ourselves then Jesus! Do you need a Biblical example? Peter said to Jesus, "I will never deny you." Jesus said, "Peter, you will deny me three times." Give yourself some relief! Just live up to God’s standards for your life, not yours! Forgive yourself! There is a paralysis of unforgiveness.

Forgive Others The second form of forgiveness is forgiving others. I love the story of the Spanish patriot Narvaez. He was shot in battle and laid in his father’s arms. His father said, "Son have you forgiven your enemies?" Narvaez replied, "I have no enemies. I have shot them all." Does someone here this evening have someone they need to forgive? Does anyone need to forgive the neighbor kid, who plays his radio too loud? Does anyone need to forgive an ex-spouse, who robbed you out of the best years of your life? Does anyone need to forgive a coworker, who got the promotion instead of you? Does anyone here the class bully, who made you feel insignificant? Does anyone need to forgive a fellow disciple, who voted the other way in those all important church meeting. Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive?

Robert E. Lee visited Kentucky after the Civil War. He went to the home of a lady, who took him to a grand old tree that sat in front of her home. The tree had been damaged by Federal cannon fire. The woman began to cry and looked to Lee for a word condemning the north. Lee was quiet for a second and said, "Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it. It is better to forget the injustices of the past then to let them remain." Jesus said, "if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you of your sins." Forgive others. Thee is a paralysis of unforgiving.

Three Recommendations: This evening let me end with three recommendations. Three recommendations you can use in your life as disciples of Jesus Christ. Three commendations that will help you forgive yourself and others.

First, be specific about your hurt. Name your hurt. Pull that hurt out like a weed. I spoke to a man who had not spoken to his brother in 25 years. I asked him why and he said his brother was selfish. I said, "Tell me a time when your brother was selfish?" He thought for a second and then his face turned red in anger and said, "He stole my High School girlfriend." Until, you identify the problem you will never forgive the person.

Second, release that hurt to God. Once you have named the hurt then turn it over to God. It maybe something someone has done to you. It maybe some thing you have done to yourself, but release that hurt to God. Resist the temptation of going back for a visit. Let it go! Release it to God!

Third, take responsibility for your own life. Once you have named the hurt and turned it over to God, then take responsibility for your own life. God has a plan for your life. God expects you to move forward and do something with your life. You should be more then a consumer. God expects you to make a positive impact on our world in the name of Jesus! On the evening news recently an overweigh man was being interviewed. The question was, "Why are you obese?" He said, "You would be obese too if your father was as abusive as mine." What has happened to you in the past does not have to define who you are in the present. The only thing that has to matter in your past is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. There is a restoring power to the resurrection that can effect your present and your future.

Remember these three recommendations. First, be specific about your hurt. Second, release it to God. Third, take responsibility for your own life.

Conclusion

The first funeral I ever officiated at was for Randolph Scott. He died of a massive heart attack while watching television in his home. I met his wife at the door of the funeral home. I stood by her side during the calling hours. I rode in the limo with her to the cemetery. Many people came to support Mrs. Scott in her time of need. She was a kind and forgiving person. Randolph got what he what he wanted in the end. People left him alone. No one came to say, "Good-bye." No one told the stories. No one knew him. No one cried at his passing. Why? He suffered from paralysis of unforgiving. He was stuck in the past. He could not see what God had given him today. He could not dream of what had planned for him in the future? I hope that is not your story!