October 26, 2008

Peter’s Epistle of Hope

Christian Wives, Christian Husbands

1 Peter 3:1-7

Opening Words: Clare Boothe Luce once wrote, “There are no hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them.” Could it be that you have grown hopeless? The world in which we live is complex and the problems seem great. The news from Wall Street is not good. The greatest shortage facing America today is hope. It is for this reason I have decided to take the next five weeks to look at Peter’s epistle of hope, First Peter.

This morning we touch the very heart of the Christian ethic. Many have called it the reciprocal ethic. It is an ethic that draws on balance. The responsibility never falls on one group. It is shared by every group. It speaks of the duty of slaves and the obligations of masters. It speaks of the duties of children and the obligation of parents. In the passage for this morning, Peter speaks of the duties of wives and the obligation of husbands. A marriage must be based on reciprocal obligation. A marriage based on all duties and all obligations will fail. With this understanding let us listen to is morning’s scripture lesson, 1 Peter 3:1-7. Let me call this message Christian Wives, Christian Husbands.

1 Peter 3:1-7 1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

I love the story of the man, who came to his pastor for help. He wasn’t just any man. He had attended the church the twenty-five years and was a respected leader in the congregation. He looked at the pastor and said, “I've got something to tell you. I've never told this to a soul and it is extremely difficult to tell you this now. My wife and I have had a fight every day for the past 30 years of our marriage." The pastor was taken back by this comment. He didn't know what to say to the man. Playing for time to gather his thoughts, said, "Every day?" "Yes, every day." "Did you fight today before you came to church?" "Yes." "Well, how did it end up?" "She came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "What did she say?" "Come out from under that bed you coward and fight like a man!"

Comedian Alan King once said, "Marriage is nature's way of keeping people from fighting with strangers." Before I go any farther let me say this, marriage is a complex thing.

As I prepared for this morning’s message I came across a mountain of random facts about marriage. I really don’t know how to apply them but I did find some of them interesting. I hope you do too! Let me just give you a few.

- Did you know January is the least popular month to get married?

- Did you know on an average 13,500 Americans get married everyday?

- Did you know New Hampshire has the youngest legal marriage age: 13 for females, and 14 for males?

- Did you know Kentucky state law prohibits a man from marrying his ex-wife’s grandmother?

- Did you know over 80% of all married men, regardless of age, say their wife is good-looking.

- Did you know the most married person in history was probably King Mongut of Siam, the monarch in "The King and I?" He had 9,000 wives and concubines.

- Did you know 60% of American couples describe their marriage as "very happy?"

- Did you know in colonial days, a Boston sea captain named Kemble was sentenced to spend two hours in the stocks for kissing his wife in public on Sunday, the day he returned from three years at sea?

- Did you know everyday, 175 Americans aged 65 or older get married?

- Did you know James Addams; Susan B. Anthony; Ludwig van Beethoven; President James Buchanan; Frederic Chopin; Emily Dickinson; J. Edgar Hoover; Joan of Arc; Isaac Newton; Florence Nightingale; Henry David Thoreau never married?

- Did you know over 90% of American couples remain sexually faithful to their spouse after marriage?

Do I have to continue? Marriage is a complex thing. The complexity of marriage is one of the reasons I have shied away from the topic. The other reasons are very practical.

The first reason is experience. Perhaps, I should say inexperience. On May the 27th Kathryn and I celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary. Through the eyes of our children that is a long time. How many couples here today have been married longer than twenty years? How many couples here today have been married twenty-five years? How many couples here today have been married thirty years? How many couples here today have been married more than forty years? How many couples here today have been married over fifty years? I have been married for twenty years and it has been great. However, I do not consider myself an expect in marriage but I do consider some of you an expert on the topic. The first reason I don’t speak of marriage is inexperience.

The second reason I don’t speak of marriage is change. The understanding of marriage has changed. The expectations in marriage have changed. The roles in marriage have changed. There was a day when the husband went to work and brought home a pay check. The wife stayed at home and cared for the home. The world in which we live does not permit us to hold to those traditional roles. The world is expensive and both the husband and wife must work to cover the basics. The husband and wife must work together to clean the house, cook the meals and raise the children. Every couple must discover for themselves what works for them. The understanding of marriage has changed. If you would agree that marriage has changed a little in the past few decades say, “Amen!”

So what I want to talk about today are three thing that are indispensable in any successful marriage. They are not just true in marriage. They must be present in any long term relationship in your life. These three can be found in the relationship you have with your parents or your children. You can apply these to your relationship with a friend or a coworker. They are not necessary isolated to Christian relationships. They are found in any relationship we hold near to our heart. So if you are ready to look at three ingredients needed in successful long term relationships say, “Amen!”

Commitment

The first ingredient that is needed in a successful marriage is commitment. During his courtship with a young woman named Julia Dent, Ulysses S. Grant once took her out for a buggy ride. Coming to a flooded creek spanned by a flimsy bridge, Grant assured Julia that it was safe to cross. "Don't be frightened," he said. "I'll look after you." "Well," replied Julia, "I shall cling to you whatever happens." True to her word, she clung tightly to Grant's arm as they drove safely across. Grant drove on in thoughtful silence for a few minutes, then cleared his throat and said, "Julia, you said back there that you would cling to me whatever happened. Would you like to cling to me for the rest of our lives?" She said she would, and they were married in August 22, 1848. In their marriage they experienced the very best and the very worst. Grant was loved by his generation for ending the Civil War but he also feared bankruptcy. They illustrate for us the importance of commitment in marriage. It isn’t just true for Ulysses and Julia Grant, it is also true for us.

Commitment isn’t important in marriage; it is indispensable. I have stood here on the sacred spot and united couples in marriage. Maybe I have stood here with you. It is an exciting day. The groom is handsome in his tuxedo. The bride is beautiful in her dress. The day is filled with all kinds of wonderful activities, the pictures, the limo, the reception. The day is filled with all kinds of people, both family and friends. It is a great day but marriage is not about a day. It is about the rest of your life. I do not know what the future holds for these couples but I do know this. Life is never just black and white. Life is a million shades of gray. Together, they will experience some of the best things life has to offer us but they will also experience some of life’s most challenging moments. There may be days that the only thing they have is one another. Commitment isn’t important in marriage; it is indispensable. And all of God’s people said, “Amen!” Did you know 75% of American couples say divorce is not likely at all?

Communication

The second ingredient needed in a successful marriage is communication. Has anyone here noticed that communicating is a complex issue? I love the story of

Well-known Broadway producer Jed Harris once became convinced he was losing his hearing. He visited a specialist, who pulled out a gold watch and asked "Can you hear this ticking?" "Of course," Harris replied. The specialist walked to the door and asked the question again. Harris concentrated and said, "Yes, I can hear it clearly." Then the doctor walked into the next room and repeated the question a third time. A third time Harris said he could hear the ticking. "Mr. Harris," the doctor concluded, "there is nothing wrong with your hearing. You just don't listen." Do you have anyone in your life who can hear perfectly but they just don’t listen? There is a lot of that going on in our time.

People have busy schedules. We live life at a fast pace. Our ears are always busy. How many people or things demand your attention in a single day? Just think about it for a moment. The one thing you have not heard lately is silence. If you have a job, then you must listen to your boss. If you have children, you must listen to them. You have to listen to your children’s teachers. If you work in a store you must listen to the customers. The air is always filled with a wide variety of music that offers background noise. Have you listened to the news lately? Have you heard your phone ringing lately? Have you heard any political advertisements lately? You are even forced to listen to the preacher. Do I have to go on? Our world is filled with all kinds of sounds. Has anyone here grown tired of listening? Does anyone here hunger for silence? Does anyone here hear but you don’t listen?

This fall has been a transitional time in my life. It is the first time that Kathy and I have lived alone since we were married. Sarah was three years old when we were married. She is now the Director of Youth Ministries at Hudson United Methodist Church. Anna is in her first year of college at Mount Union. We are proud of both of them. I will confess my home is different but it is not bad. We look forward to the girls coming home but we like being alone. The best part of living alone is having the ability to listen when the other speaks. The second ingredient needed in a successful marriage is communication. And all of God’s people said, “Amen!” Did you know 75% of married people say their spouse is their best friend?

Core Values

The third ingredient needed in a successful marriage is common core values. They tell me the body of David Livingstone is buried in his native England but his heart is buried in the land that he loved, Africa. This is my question for you today. Where is your heart?

Sociologists tell us we build our lives on our core values. Those are the values that we hold closest to our heart. Your core values effect the way that you spend your money. Your core values effect the way that you spend your time. Your core values effect the way that you handle your relationships. So what do you hold closest to your heart? Do you hold your spouse close to your heart? Do you hold your children close to your heart? Do you hold your family close to your heart? Do you hold your home close to your heart? Do you hold Jesus close to your heart? Listen to the question again. Do you hold Jesus close to your heart? I an not talking about your church. There are many fine churches in our world. I am not talking about your denomination. It really doesn’t matter what flavor of Christianity is your choice, Methodism, Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Orthodox or Roman Catholic. I am talking about Jesus. Do you hold Jesus close to your heart? How close do you hold Jesus to your heart? Does your spouse hold Jesus close to their heart? The third ingredient needed in a successful marriage is common core values. And all of God’s people said, “Amen!” Did you know 80% of American couples say they would marry the same person if they had to do it over again?

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" The truth is it really doesn’t matter what you look like. What really matters is who you are.

If you study the long term relationships in your life, you will discover three things. First, you will discover commitment. Second, you will discover the ability to communicate. Third, you will discover common core values. I hope one of those common core values is Jesus. And all of God’s people said, “Amen!”